nat map: new city unlocked

Crisp coast air, colonial culture, and captured moments from a work trip to Philidelphia…

Say you are a first-generation student who has the blessing of traveling, exploring new cities, meeting new people, and developing a wisdom of experience. Say you are this women, yet you struggle to sleep in a cold hotel room and drown in guilt for experiencing things your family could never. I say I am this woman.

Some cities change you, mine was Barcelona, then New York, then Paris. Each city at a time, I tackle the survivors guilt that comes with being a barrier-breaking first-generation daughter. Philadelphia may not have changed me, I will not be that dramatic, but it did shape me a little more. Here are the things Philadelphia taught me in four days.

WE Come from somewhere greater than we think

With its rich colonial history, I developed a greater understanding of all it took for me to become who I am. Though my train of ancestors and history traces to the origin of it all, being in a city where monuments are preserved, history survives, and progression is constant and still at once, I understand that a major part of my story lived here. Through the pivotal moments it took to create the nation I live in that took place in this town, I was able to step back and reflect on the concept that I am a small fragment of the stories that built me and everyone around me.

some live their life slowly while yours passes you by…

I was sitting at a quiet Italian café. Italian opera music was playing on a soft radio, a warm mug of coffee scented the environment, strangers started conversations, and my heart rate did not match. There was something special about this place besides the senses I described. The employee called you by your first name, gifted you a pastry for making her laugh, and time felt slower. I did know that I needed that in that moment.

I was racing with thoughts about the to-do list waiting for me and how I should punish myself for not eating the best while on a trip. When these thoughts dominated me, my extroverted spirit dimmed and I took a step back to realize I am minimizing myself with sabotaging thoughts, wake up!

Being surrounded by others who take things slowly, act with kindness, generosity, and worry about the experience at hand can teach you to identify things about your life that you can slow down. Maybe it is speaking slower, clearer, listening better, or singing more.

Coming back from this trip, maybe I will start conversations with more strangers, walk instead of drive, and go back to the roots of humanity when it is a shame they disapeared in the first place.

Played “All Too Well 10 Minute Version” to this scenery…

I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN - RIGHT?

Each time I travel, the excitement of trying a new restaurant, café, and detaching parts of my identity from my environment is essential to healing the guilt I mentioned.

I travelled with my friends where we laughed, danced, shared delicious meals, took each other’s photos, and each looked for the best possible ways to make the most out of our experience. When you are someone who embodies the concept that experiences are owned but temporary and predetermined yet chosen, you learn to become more present in them. You allow yourself to live in them.

I was walking down the Italian market street with a lot on my mind, hands, and senses and thought “I will never experience this moment, this way, with these people again.” That itself withdrew me from my overthinking guilty nature and reminded me that I live in my world the way that I chose to. That being the case, why do I keep letting moments pass me by?

I love friends who make you laugh, food that leaves you wanting more, pictures that capture the way a room sounds, smells or feels, and experiences that you know will be replayed throughout your entire future. You know when something is going to leave you nostalgic.

Philadelphia’s walkable paths into a drumline on the streets, an Irish pub’s karaoke sound, and charming small cafés did not resemble the city I saw painted online. Perhaps there is some truth in those portrayals, but when you mindest into presence anything can look, feel, and be remembered as beautiful. Right?

ah, Girlhood

Traveling with girlfriends is always a core memory. From “what are you wearing?” and “yes, that sounds good let’s split that,” so many moments contribute to the reminder of how special girlhood is.

When you spend a lot of time passing by friends in between the next stop, it becomes difficult to fuel the humanity behind our social life. I tend to spend my free time with my partner or family and never enough with the women in my life. Being in a new city where we are all curious about everything, we understand our interests, disagree in peace, and share vulnerability, that is special.

During my trip, I took a step back to reflect that we are just girls who are experiencing the same things for the first time and figuring it out collectively.